Happy Birthday to my wife
It will be Monday. Much like any other day. Except it's my wife's birthday. So I have this mission. I will be heading out for the usual coffee adventure somewhere and then find this floral shop right by a local market to get some flowers for her. It's a little adventure here that will take me a little time but really it makes me think on her a lot. Like our meeting the one night in a small bar downtown. I took her to my room that night. We stayed together after that and never have been apart. It is like we found each other then and maybe were afraid the glue would pull apart if we were. I won't talk much about the marriage thing because it costs just a little really. It does take paperwork here and time.
Really the feeling has been the things she has brought to me and how I've felt with a lot of it. You can imagine marrying someone from a completely different culture that life is not a smooth slope. It's not like putting a pair of roller skates on and gliding down the sidewalk. Instead it feels like those skates sometimes losing a wheel on some obstruction. Some hidden thing which suddenly pops up and we both have to stop and deal with it. It was never family or issues with her family. Her mom became my mom and she was completely happy my wife found someone.
When I met my mom here years ago, I asked her then for her blessing. She told me in Khmer,
please take care of Alin. We love her and she needs you.
That was it. It was the legend of a thousand words brought down to just a few. That's not to say all this was smooth sailing. Like I mentioned there are always these culture differences that make life either challenging or something frustrating for both of us. Here's a few things I've found mostly because of me I guess.
- Khmer people are very family and communally oriented. This means all things come along with the entire family of both blood and social relatives engaged or at least around. It's not the same for me. My family in America has largely been missing since I left again in 2022.
- I am pretty much a solitary person. I don't remember a time when I have not been. Even with the family I had in California, I had my own room. My own bed. My space. Maybe this is a fault of mine but I've learned I cannot fight against it. I cannot just put down things like this and become another thing.
- Khmer people love to socialize. Love the food times. The time to talk. I am not a great talker and sometimes not a very good listener. I tend to sit quietly and not really wish to engage in the banter and exchange. This is a me thing I think. Some kind of wiring in me broke at some point and I learned to just want the times without talking. Perhaps why so many of my daily practices are solitary.
- My wife lets the relationships play out. Let people prove themselves. She will forgive and forget. I guess I am more vindictive than that and I remember most things good and bad. I guess I also go with what Maya Angelou said about using first feelings about a person to guide things. I do this mostly although I have also felt that people prove themselves in some way good or bad by their actions. Some people I have met here that are my wife's friends I've decided I do not wish to be around. So I just don't do that.
These things all combine and contrast and make me feel disjointed at times here. Like I have these qualities and quantities that are not present in Khmer culture. In our neighborhood its the kids here I like the most. There is something chaotic and refreshing and rebellious about them. I don't mostly like the adults here. I've felt they may be the worst example of Khmer people I've met in years. I've told my wife this honestly because she wants the honesty. The problem is sometimes when I do give her honesty she instantly regrets the asking and me telling.
All of these things I kind of dwell on and journal and wonder about with life here. I really have no person besides my friend Russell to talk with but he's gone to Vietnam for months so really I lean into writing. Whether it's personal for the journal or the things I feel I should mention about life here.
and now its her birthday
And there you have it. All the things bundled together and yet separate little pinpricks of life. Perhaps some of Khmer life and society have brought out some good in me. Maybe though it has also made me value the other things like being solitary and an individual here. I love my wife though and I feel all the time that we have this great life here. We have more of basic things than most Khmer people have. Yet we have more challenges too.
So I celebrate both on her birthday. Ain't that the way it is supposed to be though?
So happy birthday my love. You have meant the difference for me and given me a life when I thought there was none left.
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